Mar 03
When setting goals, how confident are you that you will achieve them? Do you only set goals that are easily achievable so you avoid any risk of failure? Do you set goals that you know are out of your reach, providing you an easy out when the work gets too tough? Many of my clients struggle with articulating exciting goals at appropriate levels of risk and work. In response to this challenge, I developed the Confidence Continuum, an excellent tool for gauging your level of belief in yourself around a specific goal.
There are three markers along the Confidence Continuum:
Slam Dunk Goals – You are excited about making this goal a priority and absolutely sure you will achieve the desired outcome.
Ambitious But Confident – This goal will stretch you beyond what is comfortable and take some work, but you are confident that if you follow through you will be able to achieve the desired outcome.
Audacious and Unsure – This goal will require you to take bold action into new territory and even with all your efforts, you are unsure if you will be able to achieve the desired outcome.
Remember this is a continuum, so there is a range of confidence between Ambitious and Audacious. The most balanced list of short-term goals would include a mix of levels across the continuum. To know if a goal is articulated at the right level, ask yourself how excited the goal makes you. For example, if a Slam Dunk goal is something that you really want but have never articulated before and you can’t wait to do it, then it’s a great goal for you. However, if an Ambitious But Confident goal could be ramped up the continuum by setting a more valuable outcome, consider pushing beyond your comfort zone even further.
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Tagged with: confidence • goals
Mar 02
I had a conversation this week with someone who is riddled with guilt about wanting more out of her life. Most people would categorize her as successful – good job, solid family, nice home, sense of purpose, etc. However, she’s becoming eager for more – and this eagerness is making her feel awful! Why? She doesn’t feel like she deserves it!
Some people are incredibly confident and do not question whether they deserve what they want for a moment. They are not concerned with outside opinions of their choices. If this describes you, my hat is off to you! Feel free to skip this post. Most people I know, however, struggle with this emotion.
I honestly believe that whatever you dream of can and should be yours! You absolutely deserve to have the life you desire. Your realized dreams are the manifestation of what you intend to contribute to the world – and it is a welcome contribution!
Ambitious Action: Prove to Yourself that You Deserve It
Talk to someone you trust and admire about your dreams and goals. Describe your ideal life in detail and share with them that you are currently working diligently to make that life your reality. When you are ready to share your dreams with someone you admire, you are declaring your intentions. And in doing so, you admit to someone else that you know you deserve what you want. Sometimes it just takes the courage to say it aloud and share it with someone special to gain the confidence you need.
Audacious Action: Share your Big Picture with a Critic
Want to trick your body into knowing you deserve what you desire? Try this bold action. Share your newly discovered dreams with one of your biggest critics. Let them know – in no uncertain terms – that you know you deserve it despite their critical comments. This person may be feeding the voice in your head that tells you to doubt your decisions. You won’t believe how empowered you feel once you’ve jumped this hurdle.
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Tagged with: deserve • dream • ideal life • intentions
Feb 09
Indulge: to take unrestrained pleasure in. gratify.
Valentine’s Day is perhaps one of our most indulgent holidays. Couples indulge in elaborate gifts and romantic gestures, singles indulge in singleton-loving and/or couple-hating behavior, and most everyone indulges in decadent foods and desserts. With the lovers’ holiday coming up this weekend, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question:
Where is the line between an indulgence and an overindulgence?
Okay. I like to indulge. An indulgence every once in a while is a rather healthy ingredient in an Audacious lifestyle. I, for one, indulge in a lazy afternoon nap, a glass of red wine, a good book, and an episode of Lost almost weekly. These are simple pleasures that I incorporate into my life as mini-rewards for doing the hard stuff that my dreams require. These can easily slip into overindulgences when my one-hour nap turns into an afternoon off, a glass of red wine becomes a flight, or I find myself watching a whole season of Lost episodes. I have to set the right limits so my intentionally selected treat to myself doesn’t become a source of guilt.
How do you indulge yourself? Do you know your limits? How do you maintain those limits? Leave a comment.
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Tagged with: indulgence • limits
Feb 03
Inertia – the tendency for something at rest to resist change
Momentum – the tendency for something in motion to continue moving
A very wise mentor taught me about how Newton’s Laws of Motion can relate to human behavior. People dwelling in a state of inertia may have great ideas, but rarely complete anything. Due to lack of focus, energy, or motivation, people suffering from inertia often procrastinate and find themselves stuck spinning their wheels. By contrast, people thriving with momentum are able to define a goal, create a plan, and systematically get stuff done. They have the focus, energy, and motivation they need to seize the day and often find themselves dreaming bigger and achieving more.
In reality, there is a continuum of energy between inertia and momentum when it comes to taking action. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. Where do you fall on the continuum? What could you do differently today to move you closer to momentum?
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Tagged with: inertia • momentum
Feb 02
So it’s official: Punxsutawney Phil predicts six more weeks of winter. What a punk. I think we are all growing a bit weary over this seemingly never ending cold and dreariness. I know I am. But I refuse to let this groundhog get me down. The cold will not suck me into depression…mind over matter!
To keep my spirits up until spring does the hard work for me, I am making the following declarations:
- I will buy some flowers to brighten up my home
- I will enjoy a relaxing stroll in Central Park each dry day until spring
- I will buy a luxurious new lotion to combat this wretchedly dry skin
- I will create a spring-themed iPod playlist to rock to – I’m open to song suggestions!
- I will don my Red Sox apparel proudly (even in NYC) while counting down until Opening Day (61 days!)
What will you do to create your own sunshine?
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Tagged with: spirit • spring
Feb 01
I want to get to work on writing my blog posts for the week, but I can’t concentrate until the hall closet is reorganized.
I am going to work on my book proposal as soon as I’m finished with planning my travel to that conference.
I will start the research for my next speech, but first I’m going to reorganize my computer files.
All of these above statements are examples of some honest-to-goodness displacement activities used by yours truly this past week. Just like many of my clients, and I’m guessing many of you, I stumble from time to time into a routine of displacement activities. One of my best friends educated me on what a displacement activity is a few months ago. It’s a substitute activity you do to stay busy instead of doing what you actually set out to do. While you are still being “productive” in most cases, you are displacing your energy from what you want to be doing to what you feel like doing. In other words, it’s procrastination with a twist.
For me, my creative pursuits are tantamount to my success in 2010. This year I want to write and submit a book proposal, produce and market a customizable keynote presentation, and develop several coaching products to sell on my website. However, I still find myself making excuses for why I’m not making significant progress on any of these projects.
Well, this morning I spent a little time reflecting (and self-flogging) and asking myself: how can a life coach let this happen? I realized a short while ago that this thinking is just another displacement activity! The real question I needed to ask is what am I going to do about it? The answer: set up an accountability plan!
One of the services I provide for my clients is holding them accountable for their actions. I help them map out what they need to do in the short-term to make strides toward their long-term. I encourage them to find ways to track their day-to-day progress to keep them honest. So it’s time I start doing the same for myself!
Here’s my accountability plan for my creative pursuits for February:
1. Set a daily goal for what I want to accomplish for the next day
2. Email my daily writing report to my writing buddy by 6 p.m. without fail
3. Blog about my progress
Time to get to work…
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Tagged with: accountability
Jan 19
The fear of imperfection is a common affliction, even among the most ambitious dreamers. Instead of furiously taking bold action, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of doing more research, trying to understand everything, and/or getting approval from others before taking the first step. This fear also keeps people from finishing what they started because it’s never good enough. Here’s the hard truth:
Perfectionism is really just a convenient excuse for not taking action.
To achieve your wildest dreams, you have to embrace the fear and do the hard stuff anyway! In most cases, it is better to take the leap and learn in action. If you wait until everything is just right, you may just be spinning your wheels. Redefine perfect as living in the truest expression of yourself and learning along the way.
I challenge you to take a giant step forward today – even if you are not sure that you are ready. Just go for it. Do your best with what you have now. You can always perfect it later!
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Tagged with: procrastination
Jan 15
Another dream of mine is to become a serious athlete and train for the 2011 NYC Marathon. I have no dreams of becoming a regular marathon runner. I simply want to build my running muscle to train for this one big race to prove to myself that I can do the impossible. There’s something special about the camaraderie of a marathon that draws me in. To become eligible for the marathon in 2011, I have to run 9 shorter races in 2010. I’m signing up today! So here’s to getting started on this mega-goal!!!
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Tagged with: dream • marathon
Jan 14
Italy. I’ve never been, but dreamed of visiting my entire life. This dream has always consisted of the obvious tour – Rome, Florence, Milan, The Vatican, etc. But since seeing the inspirational film, Under the Tuscan Sun, I fell in love with the scenery in Positano along the Amalfi coast. It is the most beautiful place I can imagine on earth. I dream of enjoying a glass of local red wine barefoot while overlooking the amazing coastline. It is my goal to rent a villa there within the next five years for a nice, long vacation away from everything. I can’t wait!!!
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Tagged with: dream • goals • Italy
Jan 13
I didn’t do a lot of boating as a kid, even though I grew up in a small town on Lake Erie. However, being near the water is incredibly important to me. While I’ve moved a lot during my adult life, I’ve stuck to cities along the east coast, from St. Augustine, FL to Boston, so I’m always a stone’s throw from the ocean. Recently, I’ve found that I get to the water less and less often – which is unacceptable to me. So, I’ve become somewhat obsessed with boating. I plan to learn how to sail this summer. I’m also planning a trip out on a friend’s motor boat. In the next five years, I aim to identify and own the perfect boat for me to cruise around to amazing places.
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Tagged with: boating • dream • goals • passion
